The BBC has moved quickly to ensure that it is keeping up with the youth of today by completing a line-up of attention-deficient divs to present shows on Radio 1. The new rota of DJs will see Chris Moyles guff on in his usual manner, followed by Fearne Cotton (who's clearly got one) testing the listeners’ faith in a just universe. Filling up the afternoon slots will be work experience boy Reg James before the nation holds its nose whilst the flow of excrement and sewage that is the Scott Mills Show fills the airwaves.
The run of talentless voids is unparalleled in the radio station’s history. Radio analyst Terry Hirst remarked that, “No matter how bad things got at Radio One, there was always someone decent on. Like Mark & Lard or the rare occasions when Jo Whiley wasn’t trying to give her guests a reacharound under the table. Now the line-up makes you want to retch, over and over again.Radio One controller Andy Parfitt defended the changes to the station’s programming saying, “As kids become more techno-savvy and more nuanced in their choice of media output, we need more dicks on Radio One.”
The move will see 68 year old Jo Whiley move to Radio Two, a move that she did not seem happy to make. Speaking to reporters outside Broadcasting House, the veteran broadcaster said, “Hey dudes, I’m still fresh and I’ve got some fat grooves to lay down. Wiggy, wiggy, wiggy. Let’s all get down to the new sounds of the Isley Brothers.” Whiley then tried to speed off on a skateboard and fell over and fractured everything.
