‘Desmond Libel Verdict A Travesty’ Say Asian Babes

The world of pornography is up in arms after its chief benefactor, Richard Desmond, owner of such titles as Hot Bums, Just Start Licking and The Daily Express, lost his libel case. Prominent people within the industry are standing by the peddler of smut on account of the numerous jobs he has created through his many, many publications. Mary Wignall of Racy Nuns extolled the opportunities that Desmond gave. “It didn’t matter who you were,” said Wignall, slowly peeling off a camisole “what you had done as long as you turned up on time and were happy to suck on a banana for hours on end.”

Desmond also feels that his charity work was neglected by the court. He has consistently found work for bored housewives, plumbers and those who were expert at achieving a soft focus on a camera lens. Violet Manufa of Oceanic Whores was keen to sing Desmond’s praises. “The man’s a pioneer, a visionary. Before Mr. Desmond came to our islands, the idea of taking our clothes off for money was an entirely foreign concept. Now most of our time is spent thinking about how to strategically place a coconut.”

However, one person who will be happy to see the jazz mag magnate take a fall is one disgruntled ex-employee. Professor Alan Watkins who appeared in issue 24 of Thermonuclear Physicists Spread Their Cheeks is angry at the treatment he received. “It was supposed to be a tasteful shoot. Me and a couple of my colleagues bent over a positron emitter, showing our bums to the world. When the photos came out, it was clear that our bums had been airbrushed. The man’s got no shame.”