A dawn raid by FBI agents on the offices of Michael Jackson’s personal physician has revealed a whole load of junk that can be flogged to gullible saps, reports say. Many of the officers participating in the raid revealed that they will never have to work another day in their lives as a result of what they found. Officer Dwayne Jones held up a photo album containing some of Jackson’s most treasured pictures. “This obviously meant a lot to Michael,” said Jones, “so it’s goodbye to paperwork and hello to mucho, mucho bitches!” Operation Tat Grab was carried out in Conrad Murray’s Houston clinic as part of the ongoing investigation into how Jackson managed to live to the age of fifty.
Murray was responsible for Jackson’s physical well-being although the singer’s death has cast some slight doubts on Murray’s ability to carry out his job to any kind of decent standard. One of Murray’s colleagues defended the doctor saying, “Sudden death is a very hard thing to treat. I’ve lost count of the number of my patients who have succumbed to sudden death after being treated be me. It’s just utterly incomprehensible.”
The investigation was triggered by Jackson’s autopsy report which revealed traces of human tissue in amongst the metal, plastic, selotape and multiple motherboards that kept Jackson in working order. Chief investigator Larry Dunder remarked, “We were going to contact Microsoft and ask them what might have gone wrong with the operating system. Now there are other possibilities we need to follow up.” Asked if he would be dropping the technical lead, Dunder was hesitant. “We can’t rule it out as we now know that Jackson was using Windows Vista to run his body. So anything could have gone wrong at any time.”
