After fluffing the nation’s expectations with his 3-set victory over some bloke the UK had never heard of, Andy Murray stands on the verge of cementing his place in Wimbledon history. The formidable Scotsman appears all set to be the next in a long line of British tennis players to make the Wimbledon Semi-finals, only to flap around like a sloth with Downs. Many experts are suggesting this will be the most outstanding display of disappointment since that Thai chick you took home turned out to be a bloke.Mike Burnley, a gobby fair-weather fan amongst the ticket-dodgers stationed on the Wimbledon Hill, dug into his annual reserves of tennis expertise and came up with the following piece of analysis: “For me, this is really showing us a glimpse of the great player he has become. Any Brit player can just crash out in the early rounds, but look at how Andy’s built up our hopes. He even found spectacular form in the tournaments preceding this one, to consolidate this whole façade of brilliance.
“With Tim, our disappointments felt so cheap, you never truly thought that he’d actually go the distance. But Murray, well, he’s got everyone really believing he can win. So his 3-set tonking at the hands of some greasy Yank will be an absolute corker of a let-down. I’m gonna have to get some Xanax on stand-by.”
Previous scourge of the Nation’s hopes and dreams, Tim Henman, was reticent about the Scot’s chances in the tournament’s later stages, commenting, “Yeah… he’s alright, s’pose.” The boring Hugh Grant wannabe then added, “I know everyone’s saying he could be on the verge of making history, but what is history anyway apart from, ‘this one time, this guy, did some stuff’? Still it’ll probably beat the thrill of watching one of those fat retards win 50p on that Deal or No Deal. It’s just picking boxes at random for Christ’s sake.”
“With Tim, our disappointments felt so cheap, you never truly thought that he’d actually go the distance. But Murray, well, he’s got everyone really believing he can win. So his 3-set tonking at the hands of some greasy Yank will be an absolute corker of a let-down. I’m gonna have to get some Xanax on stand-by.”
Previous scourge of the Nation’s hopes and dreams, Tim Henman, was reticent about the Scot’s chances in the tournament’s later stages, commenting, “Yeah… he’s alright, s’pose.” The boring Hugh Grant wannabe then added, “I know everyone’s saying he could be on the verge of making history, but what is history anyway apart from, ‘this one time, this guy, did some stuff’? Still it’ll probably beat the thrill of watching one of those fat retards win 50p on that Deal or No Deal. It’s just picking boxes at random for Christ’s sake.”
