In picking up two seats in the European elections, the British National Party have been the fortunate recipients of what experts have termed the ‘dickhead vote’. This is a phenomenon where an economic downturn combines with disillusionment with mainstream politics to turn people into right twerps. Professor Alan McGregor of the University of Ersatz Academia explains why so many people came to vote BNP. “What happens in these situations is that people’s anger and bitterness become so great as to turn off the part of the brain that stops you being a dickhead. You know, the part of the brain that stops you from getting tattoos and talking about ringtones. What a bunch of pricks.”
One such prat was Thomas Johnson. His decision was based on the fact that he thought he was making a protest vote. “I was really sticking it to the political process, you know what I mean? I went in there and do you know what I did? I completely participated in the political process. Yeah! Stick that up your arse politics. Oh wait. You know what I’ve gone and done? I’ve only gone and been a complete dickhead. What was I thinking? A protest? Standing in front of tanks in Tiananmen Square, that’s a protest. Voting for a barely coherent bunch of thugs? That’s being a complete and utter div!”
Part of the BNP’s appeal is said to be that they claim they are protecting the rights of Britain’s indigenous people, a move welcomed by druids, sprites and those that make merry in glades and copses. One of the BNP’s supporters, a pig rustler named Ug Crint explained his reasons. “It’s about time someone spoke up for us. I mean, those dragons, they come over here and take our princesses. But it not be politically correct to make conversation pertaining to these deeds. I don’t know, it’s the feudal system gone mad.”
One such prat was Thomas Johnson. His decision was based on the fact that he thought he was making a protest vote. “I was really sticking it to the political process, you know what I mean? I went in there and do you know what I did? I completely participated in the political process. Yeah! Stick that up your arse politics. Oh wait. You know what I’ve gone and done? I’ve only gone and been a complete dickhead. What was I thinking? A protest? Standing in front of tanks in Tiananmen Square, that’s a protest. Voting for a barely coherent bunch of thugs? That’s being a complete and utter div!”
Part of the BNP’s appeal is said to be that they claim they are protecting the rights of Britain’s indigenous people, a move welcomed by druids, sprites and those that make merry in glades and copses. One of the BNP’s supporters, a pig rustler named Ug Crint explained his reasons. “It’s about time someone spoke up for us. I mean, those dragons, they come over here and take our princesses. But it not be politically correct to make conversation pertaining to these deeds. I don’t know, it’s the feudal system gone mad.”
