The BBC is to be compelled to reveal its finances so the public can precisely see how their money is being allocated to utter drivel. Though the corporation is to continue in its apprehension at disclosing how much it pays individual oxygen thieves such as Chris Moyles. The reason being that the figures involved would destroy the concept of a fair and just universe in which financial remuneration is congruent with either talent or originality. This in turn would hand ammunition to the BBC’s competitors, who would discover how much license fee loot is dished out to persons that would even be looked down on by a pair of Buckfast-swigging bums. One BBC insider confessed, “It is absolutely vital that we don’t let on how much we pay Marcus Brigstock. You just couldn’t look your children in the face and tell them that people are essentially good inside.”
One intriguing revelation coming from the newly released figures is that the Scott Mills show on Radio 1, requires a weekly payment of £100,000 in order to purge his studio of the stench of failed humanity and piss poor entertainment. Director General Mark Thompson defended the outlay, saying, “If we don’t clean it after Mills has been in, the place is just an utter write-off. Everywhere he goes, he leaves behind this trail of rancid chat and soulless rubbish. But we think he’s worth it.
I mean who else could do those wacky prank phone calls, that crass innuendo and er, those hilarious wacky phone calls? Your average child? Oh, I see your point.”
The BBC also plans to cut down on the swearing in its programs before the watershed, although it does now encourage its viewers to swear at what’s on if so moved to do. The announcement has come as a relief to many viewers, some of whom feel an unbearable urge to shout “This is utter sheep’s balls!” whenever Working Lunch comes on. Others, such as Harriet Frimsdale have expressed delight at being allowed to repeatedly yell “goose turd” at the screen whenever Bill Oddie appears, “Now that’s what I call interactivity,” she said, “never mind all this ‘press the red button now’ bollocks.”
One intriguing revelation coming from the newly released figures is that the Scott Mills show on Radio 1, requires a weekly payment of £100,000 in order to purge his studio of the stench of failed humanity and piss poor entertainment. Director General Mark Thompson defended the outlay, saying, “If we don’t clean it after Mills has been in, the place is just an utter write-off. Everywhere he goes, he leaves behind this trail of rancid chat and soulless rubbish. But we think he’s worth it.
I mean who else could do those wacky prank phone calls, that crass innuendo and er, those hilarious wacky phone calls? Your average child? Oh, I see your point.”The BBC also plans to cut down on the swearing in its programs before the watershed, although it does now encourage its viewers to swear at what’s on if so moved to do. The announcement has come as a relief to many viewers, some of whom feel an unbearable urge to shout “This is utter sheep’s balls!” whenever Working Lunch comes on. Others, such as Harriet Frimsdale have expressed delight at being allowed to repeatedly yell “goose turd” at the screen whenever Bill Oddie appears, “Now that’s what I call interactivity,” she said, “never mind all this ‘press the red button now’ bollocks.”
