Tributes paid as “brave” Mama Cass loses fight with ham sandwich

The world was left mourning the loss of one of its greatest singers with the news that Mama Cass has lost her long fight with a ham sandwich. Paramedics were called to her London hotel room to discover that she had passed away in the early hours of the morning. Cass had had a very public and drawn out struggle with the ham sandwich, which many commentators called "brave" and "the bravest undertaking ever seen in the history of humanity."

Floral tributes were piled outside the hotel along with very small packets of ham. Messages that were left demanded to know how someone so brave could have been taken up to heaven. One mourner hoped that Cass was now on a cloud with wings with a choir of angels singing her favourite songs.

Cass’s brave struggle with the ham sandwich has inspired others to confront their own problems with ham and other porcine-derived meat products. David Chattle, a man with a Pepperami up his nose, said, "Zee waz zoo bave. Peepul sed dat zee waz juss milken it but zee inspared me to ged help with ma proplem."

Cass showed the world her brave struggle in the documentary My Ham Sandwich and Me, in which many people extolled her bravery. Before her death, Cass was determined that others should benefit from her struggle. She established The Mama Cass Ham Sandwich Institute, which is looking into ways in which ham-sandwich-related deaths can be avoided in future. No progress has been made so far but researchers are calling for more funds as they continue their "brave" investigations.