Youngsters across the world were facing a further erosion of their childhood with the news that Google’s new Street View has rendered the old favourite of Hide and Seek utterly pointless. There are also fears about the future of Sardines, though officials are confident that the implicit sexual possibilities may see it survive amongst randy teenagers.The game had already been facing an uncertain future due to the increasing size of children, making the finding of those hiding much easier. Hide and Seek expert, Jeremy Parkin, said, "It’s a dying art. I remember some of the great Hide and Seekers: Adolf Hitler, Lord Lucan, James Corden’s sense of shame. But with today’s kids unable to fit into small spaces and having to try and hide around whole houses, it’s really gone downhill. This Street View thing is just the last nail in the coffin."
Hide and Seek isn’t the only traditional pursuit to be threatened by Street View. The near-omniscient detail that it provides means paranoid onanists are now adding Google to the list of things that they fear may be watching over them, whilst they indulge in acts of self-abuse. Previously, such lists were primarily limited to spiritual or non-existent entities, such as the ghosts of deceased family members, various monotheistic deities, or that creepy man from down the road that Mum calls "Uncle Jim".
Google’s inclusion in the list marks the return of technology as a source of masturbatory anxiety, after it was conclusively proved in the early-90’s that trouser-presses in scabby Travelodge motels possessed neither the ability to record a marathon flagellation session, nor the inclination to morally judge a being on their choice of personal leisure pursuit enhancing daytime TV.
