Bankers across the country were thanking their lucky stars today following a series of embarrassing fiscal revelations at the government’s expense. Not content with buying up toxic debt, it appears that treasury finance chiefs have been making sizeable payments to individuals whose health had “severely waned”. An opposition spokesperson has been quoted as saying that “government policy on job seeker’s allowance and housing benefit was misguided enough, but no rationale whatsoever could be put forward for providing, say, income support to the recently deceased.”
A spokesperson for the dead defended the distributed funds, claiming it was necessary due to the high cost of living faced by the departed. “It’s a nightmare,” said Victor Sparrow through a medium based on the Tottenham Court Road, “people think it’s all ambrosia and clouds but it’s not. You've got to find money for food, transport and heating. I mean, it’s freezing down here in the barren wastelands of eternity. All we are demanding is a bit of money to help cushion ourselves from an unending cycle of torment.”The government has tried to reclaim some of the money but has run into problems when trying to contact the claimants’ relatives. Cheryl Anderson, a civil servant in the Department for Work and Pensions said, “When you phone people up, they just claim that they’ve never heard of their own dad. It’s pretty stupid.”
