Sting is said to be particularly irate at what is going on. "We've got to do something before it's too late. I am willing to make a sacrifice never previously seen before in the history of mankind. Forget Oscar Schindler, forget Jesus and forget Mother Theresa. If the ice caps start growing again, I'll delay recording my next album featuring Albanian orphans on spoons and which ever ethnic music is fashionable at the moment."
The inhabitants of the Arctic have also become anxious over their future. One polar bear named Vince Cornfoy confirmed his worries about his imminent demise. "This is my livelihood. I've got a shoot with Vogue to get done plus there's the 2010 cutsie wutsie calendar to get finished off.
"There's the next series of Blue Planet to fit in plus I'm told that Woody Allen wants to set his next movie here. Apparently I'm up for a neurotic misanthrope who constantly has sex with younger female polar bears. If these ice caps go, where am I going to go? The only place that's whiter than the Arctic is Kensington. And that's not cheap." Mr. Cornfoy did confirm that he remains available for acting work, corporate events and collaborations with Damon Albarn.
