The award has invoked such an almighty furore that the only way for Western civilisation to save itself is to sacrifice Owen Hargreaves by burning him at the stake whilst Peter Crouch does his robot celebration to the tune of Will Young's cover of Light My Fire.
Jeff Powell, of the Daily You're Not From Around Here Are You? insisted that the award given to the man who had been kicking a football around a field should have gone to another man who had been kicking a football around a field for a bit longer and had probably done a bit better. Yet the man who had been kicking a football around a field and had done some good kicking had got the award instead. "It's a travesty," said Powell, "If we don't give the award to the right man kicking a ball around a field then where are we as a nation? I'll tell you where. The Island of Dung, that's where."
Steve Bruce, the man who has brought the almighty wrath of God upon the nation, defended his choice of player. "For me, David Beckham was the best kicker of the ball on the rectanglar piece of grass. I know Peter Crouch kicked the ball into the net twice but I just felt that David's kicking on the grass gave him the edge. So I'm sorry that we'll all burn in an almighty flood of fire and sulphur but I stand by my choice of good kicker."
A spokesperson for the Almighty confirmed that the Blessed Lord who is all-knowing, all-seeing and all-loving would have gone for Gareth Barry.
