Grand National winner revealed to be two men in a horse suit

It's the latest in a long line of sporting cheats to rock the world and to support the growing feeling amongst sporting professionals that "it's not the winning that counts, it's the money you get from having won and if you cheated, you've still got money." Horse racing is the latest sport to be tarnished with allegations of cheating after it was found that the winner of the 2009 Grand National, Mon Mome, was no horse but two jobbing actors inside a horse suit. The fix was revealed when the horse was heard calling Sir Peter Hall, founder of the Royal Shakespeare Company, "a complete shit."

The perpetrators of the scam, Lionel Duckie and Quentin Falstaff were unrepentant over their actions. "Listen luvvie," said Duckie, "I've been in this business for over thirty years and I've paid my dues. I've done some awful gigs: pantomime, children's television and the later plays of David Hare. It's about time I was given a shot at glory. I was a star out there on the turf and no-one can take that away from me. Not even Sam Mendes who is a complete shit." Mr. Falstaff did not reply as he had been unable to get into character.

The men in a suit scandal follows one from the Formula One furore where Nelson Piquet was instructed to crash in order to gain an advantage for his teammate. Piquet has been reported to have taken the orders to slam into a wall with some resignation.

Rugby union is another sport currently being dragged through the mire over the Bloodgate scandal in which a player faked a blood injury to secure an advantage for his team. Reg Granite, the rugby "expert" for the Chum Bucket gave his views on the scandal. "It's a disgrace. If you can't bring about your own vomiting of blood through repeatedly punching yourself in the stomach, there's no place for you in rugby."