Suu Kyi: It’s a fair cop

Burma has announced to the world that it can now sleep easy at night thanks to the capture of notorious criminal Aung San Suu Kyi. The former leader was tracked down and arrested for failing to stay in her house, the place where she has been kept for the past fourteen years. Suu Kyi handed herself over but was unrepentant about her crimes of violating her house arrest whilst remaining in her house. “Do you think you keep me outside?” she said, being dragged away back to her house, “I’ve stayed inside this house for years and I can stay inside for plenty more. They haven’t built the house that can keep me from not breaking out whatsoever.”

The arrest comes after one of the biggest manhunts in Burma’s history. Dogs, helicopters and speedboats were all used as the search for Suu Kyi went on for months. It was only after the police received an anonymous tip-off that she was finally brought to justice. Police chief Than Anan revealed that Suu Kyi made the fatal mistake of coming out in public. “It was your classic criminal error,” said Anan, “coming out of your house and telling some utter cretin to stop swimming across a lake into your house.”

Suu Kyi is said to be adjusting well to her new life in prison. She has even started a gang which dominates the prison yard although numbers are said to be low. Given that she will in place for a considerable amount of time, she is making the most of her new and familiar surroundings. “Yeah, I know all the screws in this place,” said Kyi, “slip them a couple of smokes and they’re no trouble at all.”