The future of Oasis is looking exceptionally bleak after the departure of lead plagiarist Noel Gallagher. The elder of the Gallagher brothers stormed out before the band’s performance at the V festival, claiming that he could no longer pass off other people’s music as his own in conjunction with his brother. “It’s right fooking distracting,” said Noel, “I’m in the studio, trying to figure out a Kinks chord progression and in comes Liam with some song that he’s written. I tell him that you can’t rhyme car with elephant and he puts his head through the speakers.”
The group are vowing to press on with the rest of their dates even though they are now down to a single chord. Gem Archer, who performs back-up cribbing in the band, was determined to make the best of a bad situation. “It’s obviously a terrible situation. That bastard Noel has taken two out of the three chords we knew and I’m buggered if I can come up with any more. But if it means we’ll play every single song on C, we’ll do it. I mean, who’s going to know?” The bassist Andy Bell gave his reaction to the devastating news saying, “I’m the bassist.”
