Reports show that office chatter is undergoing a massive revival due to the outbreak of swine flu. Up until recently, watercooler based nattering had been unable to avoid the topic of the recession, leading to a decrease in the length of conversations due to the fact that “it’s so f**king depressing and will you shut the c**k up already?” But now swine flu has come along and its mixture of exoticism and possible portent of the apocalypse has sent tongues wagging once again.Darren Phillips, a systems analyst in Durham, explains its appeal. “It’s new, it’s fresh and it’s going to kill us all. So people love to talk about it. It’s creeping ever closer to our workplace so when I start talking about it, people want know. I missed out on bird flu and harping on about global warming has got really boring. But this stuff is gold. Even the office hottie wants in. And she thinks I’m scum.”
The key to swine flu’s popularity is the general ignorance about what it actually is and how it claims its victims. This has led to wild, unfounded but popular rumours about the disease. Stories abound of the virus being able to cut holes in walls and turn kitchen appliances against their owners
The government has gone out of its way to reassure people that it will be no help whatsoever in the face of the oncoming pandemic. Spokesman Robert Wesall said, “We’re honestly about as useful as that makeover for Susan Boyle. We couldn’t cope with a couple of inches of snow. How are we going to deal with a rampaging virus like this? Do you know it can make your own blender want to kill you?”
