Faced with a growing financial disaster, that is reported to be on the same scale as Mel Gibson’s; Chancellor Alistair Darling has announced that the job of running the country will be outsourced to workers in Chennai. The move comes as a report into the efficiency of Whitehall found that most cabinet members were a complete and utter waste of space. “Although I was surprised by the results,” said Darling, packing his belongings into a cardboard box, “when you think about it, you realise what complete carbuncles most of us truly are.
“For me the most revealing insight was Tessa Jowell’s Facebook photos of a cabinet meeting that apparently disintegrated into a game of Monopoly; followed by Gordon sitting on an office chair and being spun by government officials until he sicked out of his nose... I mean she shouldn’t really have time to spend posting on Facebook!”
The report concluded that there was no real point to Hazel Blears, that Ed Milliband was in need of a good slap and a duck sitting on a beanbag could easily do the work of Jacqui Smith. “It’s probably the most brilliant idea I’ve had so far,” exclaimed Darling, setting up his new home underneath Blackfriars Bridge, “in order to save money, get rid of the biggest wasters of cash: us.”
The operation in Chennai will consist of a team of 800 workers who will formulate and implement policy at all levels of government. This has led to accusations that the new cabinet will be run by a sweatshop. However, Darling has countered the accusations saying, “It is not a sweatshop. The official name for our operation is a perspiration boutique.” Mr Darling was last seen rummaging through bins, scrapping cheese off a pizza box and mumbling “Oh yes, Papa’s hit gooey gold. Now, will you be main course or dessert?”
“For me the most revealing insight was Tessa Jowell’s Facebook photos of a cabinet meeting that apparently disintegrated into a game of Monopoly; followed by Gordon sitting on an office chair and being spun by government officials until he sicked out of his nose... I mean she shouldn’t really have time to spend posting on Facebook!”
The report concluded that there was no real point to Hazel Blears, that Ed Milliband was in need of a good slap and a duck sitting on a beanbag could easily do the work of Jacqui Smith. “It’s probably the most brilliant idea I’ve had so far,” exclaimed Darling, setting up his new home underneath Blackfriars Bridge, “in order to save money, get rid of the biggest wasters of cash: us.”
The operation in Chennai will consist of a team of 800 workers who will formulate and implement policy at all levels of government. This has led to accusations that the new cabinet will be run by a sweatshop. However, Darling has countered the accusations saying, “It is not a sweatshop. The official name for our operation is a perspiration boutique.” Mr Darling was last seen rummaging through bins, scrapping cheese off a pizza box and mumbling “Oh yes, Papa’s hit gooey gold. Now, will you be main course or dessert?”
