Wednesday 2 September 2009

Megrahi removed to ensure Gordon Brown is Scotland's most hated man

Sources released by the Scottish parliament show that the Lockerbie bomber, Ali al-Megrahi, was only released to make sure that Prime Minister Gordon Brown remained the man that most Scots would happily kick down the stairs. The move is seen by many as a political move ahead of the forthcoming election to distance the Labour party from a man who is seen as a bigger impediment to winning an election than a British passport in a tennis tournament. First Minister Alec Salmond said, "Even though Megrahi is an old man, he remains the ultimate bogey man and no-one can touch him. That's why we've got to ship him out before people start saying about Brown, 'Well, he's a complete shitebag but he's nae murdering terrorist.' We just couldn't talk that risk."

Brown's standing in his native country has taken a plunge with many Scots going on record that they would happily give up deep-fried shortbread flavoured heroin suppers if it meant the incumbent minister was shunted from office. David McCampbell has gone on a Taggart strike which has seen him miss several episodes of his favourite show. "I'm guessing there's been a muddah but I cannae be sure." However, other Scots are sympathetic to Megrahi's plight. Heather Walter said, "We're always banging on about how people can't take our freedom. Yet the minute we give it to someone, we're frothing at the mouth. Ludicrous!"