Alesha Dixon to qualify for assisted suicide? - You Choose!

As part of its remit to look at the burning issues of the day and insert knob gags wherever appropriate, the Chum Bucket is looking at whether it would be better to put Alesha Dixon, the embattled judge on Strictly Come Dancing, out of her misery. Both two sides of the debate will be represented but the final decision will rest with you, the public. Simply text YES or NO to 4. The results of the poll will then be passed onto the BBC. It is your licence fee, you should have your say. Pleading for her life will be a faceless drone from the BBC whilst resident columnist Carole Bismuth will argue that for her own sake, she should kicked down a flight of stairs.

Keep Alesha alive! says Roland Lackey, runner on the Antiques Roadshow

All the criticism of Alesha so far is unfair. She is a great dancer and has a great personality, which automatically makes her a great judge. Like if a dog is a great catcher of a ball, it'll probably be a good minister of defence. Of course Arlene Phillips will be missed but we still consider her to be a member of the Strictly family, albeit a family member that we've shut away in a cupboard and never talk of again. There has been talk of an "ageist" agenda at the BBC but we have many different ages at the BBC. There are plenty of mature workers here and without their cleaning, we'd be very stuck. We also employ the very young too. Children as young as five who write most of the jokes on the Chris Moyles show.

Smother her with a pillow says Carole Bismuth

There are some things in this life that I simply cannot abide: bruised fruit and pitying the weak. I watched Ms. Dixon, who I understand has a failed marriage to her name, last Saturday night. I honestly felt rotten to the core. Simply watching her wallowing in pungent mediocrity whilst my good friend Arlene Phillips, whom I've known ever since she asked me to leave a party, has to stand by is shameful. The sooner we can get her off the panel and into a lake with stones tied round her ankles, the better.