Copenhagen summit chooses spiders to rule after humanity's collapse

It's the agreement that no-one thought would happen. The world's leaders have gathered together in Copenhagen and come up with a binding agreement. It has nothing to do with climate change but they have concluded that it will be spiders who are the Earth's dominant creature after humanity throws itself into the abyss. Gordon Brown announced the choice in a small cupboard whilst people's attention was focused elsewhere. "Although we won't be able to save ourselves, we have put a lot of work into making sure that the spider will reign supreme. All hail the spider, the new devastator of Planet Earth!"

The summit had started off on a good note with inconsequential matters quickly brushed aside. Helen Taylor, working as an aide, reported how the issue of global warming was quickly dealt with. "Everyone just decided that humanity is doomed to failure due to its inability to form an equilibrium with its natural surroundings. We're just a virus with a nose. Which it uses to give itself the impression that its shit doesn't stink."

However, for the animals that didn't get the nod for global domination, the summit was something of a failure. Heading up the bear lobby was Michael, a great bear from Canada. "We put together a great package about our ability to be top of the food chain whilst still remaining cuddly. But then they brought up the issue of Yoggie Bear's continued thieving of picnics plus Winnie the Pooh's addiction to honey and the whole thing collapsed. Plus the spiders did give great giftbags."