Children's fury as magic snowman refuses to fly

Children of a Wiltshire village have lambasted a snowman brought to life through the magic of Christmas for refusing to take them a wondrous flight through the skies. The gentleman in question has defended his actions on the grounds that he hasn't had the proper training. Mr. Tumbles, a resident of the village green in Lacock, was fashioned by the youngsters and was then imparted with life due it being Christmas and that sort of thing generally happening.

However, the delight of having a new found friend made out of snow has quickly turned sour for his creators. Kevin McDonald, one of the team behind Mr. Tumbles, spoke of his disappointment. "He just sits around smoking and kicking snow in our faces. If we ask him to do anything like tell us stories or do magic, he tells us to go and chew a tree. My mate Simon asked him to show us the magic of Christmas. Mr. Tumbles just showed us the middle finger."

Mr. Tumbles has defended his behaviour on the grounds that he is only doing what he is employed to do. "Listen, this is tough work. In two weeks time I'm melting and that's if I'm lucky. I could be pissed on by a dog or cut in two by some alcopop-addled youth 'cos he didn't all the PS3 games he wanted. Plus, I'm hardly a top-notch snowman. I've got a tiny head and where's the cock and balls? All the other snowmen are taking this piss." Other magic snowmen in the area did confirm that Mr. Tumbles was indeed a cockless bastard.