Thursday 8 October 2009

Postal strike to leave millions stranded without junk mail

The members of the postal union CWU have voted for industrial action by a majority of 3-1. The irony of postal workers deciding to take any sort of action seems to have been lost on at least 75% of those voting. The ramifications of this vote mean that the country will have to go for long stretches of time without important documents that they could easily get by email.

Sales worker Ellen Hutt said, "I'm devastated. Where am I going to get my bank records? Oh wait, they're all online. I'll just Skype my landlord to let him know that his rent will be on its way."

But for those people who are so lonely that junk mail is their only communication with the outside world, the results could be devastating. Secretary Pam Finesse is anxious about missing out on letters that advertise crap she does not need. "I just love getting a message about loans that I would never ever take in a million years. I'm very happy with my phone company but it's just nice to know that there is another one offering outstanding rates."

Civil servant Gordon Bloom describes the levels of desperation reached after a period without any mail. "There was a man pushing Indian takeaway menus through the door. I ran outside, hugged him tightly and said, 'You're a hero young man'. He then ran off before calling me a freak from the end of the road."