Thursday 29 October 2009

Media hype over Arsenal's youngsters the best yet, say experts

A narrow 2-1 victory over Liverpool's reserves completed and the verdict is in. Those who saw the game all agree to a man that the media hype surrounding Arsenal's second XI could be one of the finest that the country has ever produced. Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has urged fans not to get too excited about the hyperbole although he himself admits that the over-exaggeration of some young people kicking a ball around a field could go on to do great things.

"We've had some great knee-jerk reactions in the past," said Wenger, "and if you're going to blow smoke up someone's arse, you need time to develop that level of overblown copy. But I have to say that this sensationalism could surpass them all. I'm talking tabloid coverage of an England World Cup campaign here."

The reasons to get excited about the level of hot air are many. Examples include The Daily Telegraph's Bob Newby who is the heartbeat of the side, spraying out glib platitudes from his position in centre midfield. Up front is the livewire forward from The Sun Eric 'The Hack' Webber. Although temperamental, Webber is capable of unleashing a barrage of effusive descriptions that may or may not have any kind of inherent meaning.

Many who were at the game will fondly remember his praise for Arsenal's Aaron Ramsey. "He's got hawk DNA!" yelled Webber, blowing away anyone who tried to comprehend what he was saying.

Media commentator on media commentary, Professor Julia Evincer of the University of Ersatz Academia said that these journalists were indeed on their way to being the biggest bunch of windbags in a generation. "We won't see their like again. Well, until next year."