The government are set to announce a £100 million investment in drug dealers and seedy elements of society, ministers claim. The money is set to come from banning legal highs such as GBL and Spice, which should see people making the switch from taxable quality-controlled produce to a mixture of sawdust and bleach that even Peaches Geldof would think twice about shoving up her hooter. Shoreditch-based dealer Alec Tremain was delighted about the move. "It's only right. Those people are being taxed on what they are buying and that money is going to fund schools and nurses. Now all that revenue is coming to me: someone who contributes absolutely nothing to society."
The decision is seen a double win for the government as not only are they kow-towing to the section of society that is forcever screaming, "Will someone please think of the children?" but they are also easing the next generation of drug dealers in very slowly. Minister for Employment Tony McNulty was very enthusiastic about the scheme. "We are looking at the drug dealers of tomorrow and breaking them into what is a very difficult world. They can start at the very bottom starting with GBL and move onto pot before graduating onto skag."
