Thursday, 7 January 2010

Zombies in failed coup against King of the Undead

A cabal of zombies has failed in its attempt to topple their leader, claiming that it was vital in order to prepare for the upcoming war against the vampires. Patricia Hewitt, a maggot-infested monster who has been roaming the Earth for eight thousand years, claimed that the King of the Undead was unfit to lead his armies into battle. "It's just an embarrassing situation," groaned Hewitt, "we all have flesh peeling off us but in order to secure victory against the vampires, we need someone who isn't just a mess of gibbering organs."

However, Hewitt's attempt to unseat the leader was cut off as the King's supporters came together to show their support. The king's financial adviser released a statement which read, "Dur, nur, grrrrr, full backing, dur, grrr, looking forward, venuh, blur, durr, dealing with the issues of today." The minister for zombie welfare was unable to comment due to feasting on brains.

But despite the failed coup, the move has raised the spirits of the Vampire hoardes. The confidence of the creatures of the night has been low after they revealed plans to bring in the private sector to increase blood sucking. But the news of the unsettled zombie army has brought a boost in their intent. "Surely now the night will draw in and our fangs will pierce the rancid necks of the undead," said a party aide.

Asked to comment on who out of the zombies or vampires will reign victorious, a member of the public replied, "Why can't they just sort out the f**king economy? Rather than this prancing around in fancy dress."