Thursday, 14 January 2010

Google: China too evil, even for us

The internet giant, Google, will cease its Beijing operations due to the Chinese government becoming too villainous, even for a company as hell-bent on world domination as Google. A spokesperson for the company said, "We at Google set our standards low. There is no part of your life that we would happily seek to gain control of.

"Our new plan is to try and fill the air you breath with adverts, tiny invisible commericals that you have no idea sbout until they suddenly pop into your thoughts. That's how evil we are. But hey, we're not executing the mental ill."

The Chinese have responded with indifference to Google's actions. Prime Minister Wen Jiabao, stroking a bonsai tree, said, "Goodbye Mr. Google, so sad to see you go. But you'll be back, they always come back. And don't forget, we've always got Yahoo. Moo-haa, moo-haa, moo-ha-ha-ha-ha."

The withdrawal comes as the internet comes under increasing attack by the Japanese authorities. In the early hours of this morning, Ask Jeeves was shot by firing squad for alleged spying. Ironically, for a man who has spent his life answering queries, the last act of his life was to field the question "Do you have any last requests?"